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Archive for April, 2010

(dedicated to Katie)

Every Jewish Young Adult was once a Jewish Child, who was raised by Jewish Adult.  This means that the JYA went through years of indoctrination from hearing the words “Don’t touch that, it’s dirty”, or some variation thereof.  This subtle form of mind control has become an integral part in the day-to-day of JYAs in the form of obsessive use of Antibacterial Wipes.

These pre-moistened single-use compact squares are engrained in the hereditary psyche of bacterial paranoia passed down from generation to generation.  They can be found in glove compartments, purses, desk drawers, kitchen counters, and always in close proximity to the JYA.  They come in colorful packages in a variety of scents, and JYAs use them for practically everything; from cleaning their hands to wiping keyboards when using a friend’s computer.

Some scholars have suggested that it is only JYA females that suffer from Antibacterial Wipe addiction, but studies have shown that males also have a heightened hygienic sensitivity.  The difference is that female JYAs openly use the wipes, whereas males will hide their usage from public viewing, keeping their stock of Wet Ones in more private locations like the bathroom.

It is safe to assume that JYAs of today will pass down their excessive fanaticism/paranoia of hygiene to their children.  Therefore, companies that manufacture Antibacterial Wipes can rest assuredly that they will have a continuous income stream for many generations to come.

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(idea submitted by Stefani P.)

Around the world Jewish Young Adults go through a rite of passage sometime around their 8th birthday:  drinking their first sip of Manischewitz wine.  This sweetened Kosher alcoholic substitute for real wine is a mainstay at Passover Seders worldwide, but in recent yeas “The Mani” has made a resurgence in JYA communities and has been exploited beyond Halachic holidays.

For Example, JYA’s have also been known to whip out The Mani at every possible occasion for the sheer fact that it makes dealing with family functions filled with Jewish Adults and Jewish Elders that much more tolerable.

In addition, certain fraternities have been known to mix The Mani into their punch at parties because the deceptively sweet taste masks the alcoholic content, subsequently causing inebriation in the partygoers and purportedly increasing the chances of “getting some”.

Finally, some JYAs have taken Manischewitz wine to the farthest extreme of hipster cool-dome, becoming veritable connoisseurs of the beverage and concocting their own special drinks(*).

Whatever the reason, JYAs have taken Manishewitz to new unprecedented levels that their forefathers and foremothers have never seen.  If this trend continues, Non-Jew observers might find themselves ordering a Drunken Pharaoh the next time they go out.

(*) Special Manischewitz cocktails to try with your friends, or create your own!

1.  The Drunken Pharoah

2.  The Mel Gibson (aka the Forrest Hills Iced Tea)

3.  The Mani-tini

4.  Mani Spritzer

Half Manischewitz Blackberry, half Soda.  Served over ice in a highball

5.  The Hadassah Heart Attack (our favorite)

1.5 oz Manischewitz (any flavor), 1 oz Vodka, .5 oz Cointreau.  Served over ice in highball, with a lemon.

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