Young Adults in general are prone to break-ups and bachelorhood. Whatever the reason, be it a fear of settling down, a desire to find something better, or simply shpilkes, the reality of potentially ending relationships, or never finding one to begin with, is an every day risk for people in their twenties and thirties. Even though the possibility of ending a relationship, or of being unable to start one, is daunting and worrisome, Jewish Young Adults have taken the issue to catastrophic extremes.
JYAs, contrary to their Non-Jewish counterparts, tend to overestimate the negative ramifications included in relationships, and shift their focus toward the marginal probability that they will be forced to live the rest of their lives in utter solitude, devoid of any affection or connubial interactions. While Non-Jews will console their recently broken-up friends and offer encouragement to their single friends, JYAs tend to pursue the opposite route, emphasizing the negative.
“Talia”, a 29 year old JYA from Chicago who recently ended a three month relationship with a young doctor, mentioned “I’m never going to find anybody. I should just freeze some eggs now so I can at least have a baby by the time I’m 40”. Talia’s friend offered little moral support, stated “She’s totally gained like ten pounds since the break up. Not even the losers on Jdate look at her now”.
Jewish Adults, specifically parents, are equally culpable for instilling feelings of nuptial negativity in the JYA community. “Linda”, Talia’s mother, upon hearing of her daughter’s break-up, declared “She never should have broken up with that Ari boy. His mother called me and told me that he just finished law school and he’s engaged to some Oriental girl who is converting for him. By the time she gets her act together all the good ones will be taken”.
While parental pressure could be one reason for the pessimistic mindset of JYA dating life, another possibility is that JYAs dramatize their courting experiences as a means of garnering increased sympathy and attention. Unfortunately, the attention they receive is from equally disenfranchised JYA peers, or needling adults, creating a downward spiral of exaggerated claims of unending solitude and seclusion. Therefore, if you are a Non-Jew who has a single or recently single Jewish friend, it is highly recommended that you force them to go on blind dates as compensation for the negative feedback they receive.