#97 Pretending to like Jewish Rap Parodies

If you scroll through the email inbox of any Jewish Young Adult, you will undoubtedly find numerous links to various rap parodies with Jewish themes.  These parodies get forwarded around to the worldwide JYA community on a daily basis, which gives the outside impression that JYAs are huge fans of these pitiful lampoons.   In reality, JYAs are actually well aware of the lameness of the overwhelming majority of these videos, yet they pretend to be fans out of a show of solidarity to the cause.

50 Shekel

Some of the videos are blatantly cheesy, like rapper Chutzpah or 50 Shekel.  Others are vomitously unwatchable, like watching your dorky neighbor and his camcorder.  The rare few are decent, and usually involve professionals, like in the Forest Hills State of Mind video.  But overwhelmingly, all of these videos induce a retching feeling and a general sense of humiliation that fellow JYAs actually put effort into these clips, and genuinely believe they are quality.

Yet, JYAs will send the videos to all their friends, posting links on Facebook, and crosslinking to their Tweets, all the time knowing full well that they are disseminating junk and just encouraging the creation of more dreadful Jewish rap parodies.  One possible reason could be solidarity or support for other JYAs.  Another reason could be that JYAs think their friends have questionable views of humor.  Unfortunately, it could also be that JYAs just have bad taste when it comes to rap music.

#96 Dining at Chabad

(idea submitted and written by Sam G.)

Jewish Young Adults want the best of both worlds.  They want to live a hip, modern lifestyle of aspiring for future money, power, and fame while at the same time keeping in line with the traditions of the ‘The Tribe’ that they are so vocally proud to be a part of.  So when Friday evening rolls around, many JYAs choose to celebrate a weekly holiday known as ‘Shabbat’, from which the Christian concept of the weekly ‘Sabbath’ is derived. The Jewish Shabbat begins on Friday evening at sundown, and it is a custom amongst traditional Jews to commemorate the beginning of Shabbat with a short prayer service and a traditional family meal.

For JYAs, observing the traditional Friday night meal often entails scrounging for last minute invitations.   Fortunately, Chabad houses generally host Friday night Shabbat dinners open to interested and hungry JYAs.   JYAs know a good deal when they see one, and free food and alcohol served by friendly religious folks is one of the best deals in town.

Shabbat dinner (referred to as ‘Shabbos’ within the confines of the Chabad house) at a Chabad house is a festive affair, with JYAs mixing with local religious Jews of all ages.  It gives single JYAs an opportunity to meet potential romantic partners in the safe environment of an ultra-Orthodox religious leader’s home.  JYAs enjoy reminiscing about their own religious experiences, such as when the time they attended a Lag BaOmer bonfire as a child, and their moving experiencing praying at the Western Wall during last year’s Birthright trip to Israel.  Some JYAs may even be lucky enough to participate in a rousing rendition of  Am Yisrael Chai and other traditional Jewish songs that they remember from their Camp Ramah days.  If the JYAs are clever enough, they will know to show up 20 minutes late, so as to miss any boring Kabbalat Shabbat davening while still enjoying the first course of the Shabbos dinner.

#95 North Face Jackets

(idea written and submitted by Matthew K.)

It should come as no surprise that Jews conspicuously wear North Face jackets; the two make an adorable dyad. In fact, this fashion trait is more indigenous to the JYA, than to the non-JYA. For example, one can see the JYA wear a North Face jacket on a spectrum of disparate occasions: on the way to yoga class with a double macchiato in hand from Starbucks, returning empty handed from a JDate speed-dating night, or sliding down circuitous ski slopes with the family in Aspen, Colorado.

The appeal of the North Face doesn’t just dig deep into the JYA’s yuppiness, but also stems from a need to feel edgy.  Let’s examine the brazen JYA: she audaciously tests the limits of practicality unlike the non-JYA by wearing a light spring-appropriate gray fleece jacket with “North Face” emblazoned on the left breast in the frigid death of winter (exceptions: LA and Miami). And let’s not forget her year-round uniform of transparent leggings and ruffled scarf beneath that Denali fleece.  Absurd, but nonetheless JYA and cute!

North Face jackets have become the staple ingredient to any JYA’s sense of modern Jewish style, akin to circumcision:  Every Jew is required to get it, irrespective of personal choice.  In fact, without one, or admission to not owning own, elicits horrified looks and awkward silences among fellow JYAs.  The tradition of Denali Fleece, worn 9 months out of the year, has become sacrosanct and no JYA is a member of the tribe until that North Face is on his/her back loud and proud.

Suffice it to say that without the JYA consumer, it is possible that the North Face company would experience the same macabre fate as Lehman Brothers.  Fortunately, the North Face can back on Jewish Adults and even Jewish Elders if the JYA fad was to subside.  It is not uncommon to see JYA and family all sporting a North Face Denali fleece or the apparel’s derivative ilk like sport gloves and down jackets.  Consequently, donning a North Face has become a Jewish universal for both JYA and JA.

JYA Natalie Portman rocks the North Face

#94 Secretly Shopping at Target

(idea submitted by Eitan G.)

December 26th, also known as National Jewish Shopping Day, is an opportunity for Jewish Young Adults all over the globe to enjoy egregious discounts and brag about the amazing bargains they found.  Many JYAs will troll the boutiques and high end retailers looking to pick up the latest gadget or cashmere cardigan.  But, many will also succumb to a different merchandizing fetish by secretly shopping at Target.

JYA’s love gliding across the white linoleum floors of their local Target; scoping out industrial sized cartons of socks, stocking up on college wares, or picking up bargain basement digital cameras.  But even though JYAs will readily take advantage of the deals, they will rarely admit they enjoy it.  In an effort to keep up appearances and maintain the image of cool nonchalance, JYAs will come up with whatever excuse possible to hide their fetish.

For example, female JYA “Jackie” was questioned by her friends about a new blouse she picked up at her local Target in Cherry Hill.  Jackie, in an attempt to hide her retail transgression, lied and stated that the shirt was from “some vintage place on the Lower East Side, I don’t remember the name”.

Some JYAs will even preempt awkwardness by offering an excuse before they are even questioned.  “Sarah”, a JYA from Chicago, was spotted by her crush at the local megastore, and before her crush could even say hello Sarah stated “Ugh, I can’t believe my mom dragged me here.  Whatever, as long as we hit up H&M after”.

It is important to note that Wal-Mart, Target’s archrival, has not been embraced by the JYA community to the same degree, and is largely avoided.  There is heated debate concerning the exact reasons why Target has managed to gain a secret following, and most conclusions have been anecdotal and speculative.

#93 Crashing Christmas Parties

Every year around then end of November, Jewish Young Adults find themselves surrounded by what is euphemistic called the “Holiday Season”.  This month long event is meant to instill an extra amount of joy and merriment to all, regardless of religion or nationality.  For the JYA, it is an opportunity to crash as many Christmas parties as possible.

JYAs love attending Christmas parties because it gives them an entertaining taste into the rites and rituals of Non Jews.  For some, it is an occasion to practice making out with their Goyish office crush underneath a sprig of Mistletoe.  For others, it is a chance to revel in odd culinary treats like Egg Nog.  Still others use the Christmas party as a way to poke fun of the quaint fashion statements of their Non-Jewish peers, like thick woolen sweaters with leather elbow pads and prancing reindeer on the sleeves.    And there are even those that combine all three Non-Jewish idiosyncrasies into one night, like JYA “Tanya” who was spotted at the Holiday Party for her LA based PR agency stating “I was so drunk on eggnog last night and I was totally going to make out with Chris under the mistletoe but then I realized that he was wearing like a green Santa hat and brown corduroys and I was like, there is no way I am letting some dude who wears pleats put his tongue in my mouth.  I was so grossed out”.

It is important to note that a JYAs fascination with Christmas Parties is proportional to the concentration of Jews in his/her neighborhood.  Meaning, JYAs that live in predominantly Jewish areas display a higher interest in attending Christmas Parties than those who live in areas that are predominately Non-Jewish, probably stemming from the increased novelty effect of interacting with Gentiles.  Therefore, it is not uncommon to see Israeli JYAs as the ones who are the most rambunctious and gung-ho about Yuletide affairs, and will frequently be the most drunk at Christmas Parties.

What is this stuff?

#92 Sending Back Food

(idea submitted by Jenny B.)

It is a well document cultural phenomenon that Jewish Young Adult exhibit a strong tendency to order “special” meals at restaurants; meaning they display a high proclivity toward augmenting or adjusting existing items on any given menu to suit their liking.  But there is also a secondary, more subtle, offshoot of this trend, whereby the JYA will simply send back food if they are not satisfied.

Whereas those JYAs who order “special” meals will tirelessly harass/irritate restaurant wait staff until they are satisfied, those JYAs who send back food simply cannot be bothered with arguing and appeasing until their meal is made to their liking, and instead prefer to quell potential altercations by disengaging entirely.

For example, JYA “Tessa” was recently disappointed with her Skim Extra Foam Caramel Macchiato at her local Starbucks on the Upper East Side.  After taking one sip of the beverage, Tessa cut in line, returned the frothy cup to the pimpled teen behind the counter and stated vehemently that she demanded her money back, citing that the coffee was “not hot enough”.  The teen immediately offered to brew Tessa another concoction, but Tessa refused, stating loudly “I don’t have time for your incompetence.  I’m a paralegal in Midtown and I have stuff to do”, and stormed out.

It is hotly debated if sending back food emerged as a cultural singularity before or after ordering “special” meals.  Current research suggests that sending back food predated ordering “special” meals, as the restaurant industry only became capable of making “special” meals in the late Seventies.  Therefore, sending back food is an idiosyncrasy for JYAs that they share both with Jewish Adults and even with Jewish Elders, and is sometimes even a comforting commonality.

It is important to note that if a Non Jew is ever in the presence of a JYA who sends back food, it is not recommended to offer some of your own, as this would only irritate the JYA even more.  Even though etiquette would hint at sharing your meal with the frustrated JYA, the Non Jew is advised to agree immediately with the JYA that the establishment does not deserve their money/time and suggest going to a different location.

#91 Gchat

(idea submitted by Jen G.)

Jewish Young Adults of today love to be connected to each other, spending endless hours in communiqué about various topics, both banal and substantive.  In the recent decades, with the growth of the internet, communication has become more a matter of instant gratification than anything else, with the ability to stay in contact all across the globe, cheaply, efficiently, and in real time.  Considering this trend, one of the more preferred methods of communication for JYAs of today is Gchat.

The beauty of Gchat is that it is synchronous with the rest of the numerous obligations and interests of JYAs.  For the hard working I-Banking JYA, or the one who spends hours making Power Point presentations at McKinsey, Gchat has a wonderful application for Blackberry, where the JYA can keep up on the latest drama of who made out with who at the Bnei Jeshurun co-ed Touch Football game.

For the cubicle bound JYA, Gchat is conveniently not blocked from the company server, as it is embedded in Gmail, especially when coupled with Firefox, and therefore offers endless opportunities to be self-deprecatingly flirtatious with the new intern down the hall.

And for those who are unemployed or underemployed, Gchat serves as an excellent medium to complain about your un/underemployment while sending countless resumes over Gmail.

Additionally, Gchat offers JYAs another benefit as well in that they get to write about themselves non-stop throughout the day, playing into the JYA assumption that people always want to hear what they have to say.

Whatever the reason, Gchat has become the go-to method of interaction between JYAs, where they can kvetch, flirt, fight, and even fall in love.

#90 Taking a Year Off

(idea submitted by Marla L.)

One of the demographic characteristics of the Jewish Young Adult community is a general trend toward being financially stable, not necessarily from their own hard work or volition.  This offers the JYA ample opportunities to exercise their freedom of choice and explore various outlets and facets.  Over recent decades JYAs have taken this freedom to heart, sometimes to deleterious extremes, and what has emerged is a tendency to explore this freedom by taking a year off.

JYAs will pursue a bevy of possibilities when taking a year off.  Some will come to Israel to find themselves on a number of various year long trips.  Some will look to volunteer for a year for institutions like Teach for American, even if they have to pay for it.  Some, particularly Israeli JYAs, will disappear into year-long drug-filled hazes in South America, India, or Thailand.  Still others will pursue academic goals, like Seattle based JYA “Dave”, who spent a year studying Chinese Medicine in Sydney.

There are plenty of reasons why JYAs take a year off, but one unifying theory is that they simply can.  Whereas the generation of Jewish Adults had a more limited scope of possibilities (doctor, banker, or lawyer preferable, maybe a professor even), JYAs of today have too many options at their beck and call, and the means to go explore them.  So they do.

JYAs in Peru - exploring their tolerance for Pilsen Callao

It is also important to note at in recent years it has also become socially “acceptable” for JYAs to take a year off well into their early to mid thirties.  It has also become “acceptable” to take multiple trips.  As an example, Israeli JYA “Oren” took a trip to Central America for nearly 10 months at the age of 32.  When asked why he was taking the trip, “Oren” answered matter-of-factly “I’ve already been to India when I was 25”.

#89 Brunching

(idea submitted and written by Samantha H.)

What’s more Jewish than a Sunday brunch of bagels, lox and shmear? Brunching is one of the greatest traditions of Jewish Young Adults, but it is a trend that may have actually been stolen brunch from Jesus-loving counterparts.  Apparently, brunch, which combines the greatest foods from breakfast and lunch, was a big meal eaten by Christians after attending mass.  Regardless of its roots, Jews have hopped on this trend like white boys from the suburbs dig Kanye.

But why is this meal different from all other meals?  Brunch is an excuse to meet up with friends when you’re still hungover, then drink beverages like Bloody Mary’s and exchange stories of last night’s shenanigans with the goyfriend.  Plus, it’s like two meals for the price of one; and JYAs love bragging about their bargains.

Whether it’s eggs benedict, whitefish, or homefries, brunch is one of the greatest traditions most JYA’s were brought up with.  Beginning with extravagant brunches after a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, trying to reach for some fruit salad between the deafening “Mazel Tov’s” from long-lost relatives.  Since then, through college, and into adulthood one of the greatest constants has been brunches with family and new and old friends, regardless of the city.  JYAs have been spotted brunching the world over; Saturdays in LA or NYC, Sundays in London, or Friday’s in Tel Aviv.  A cup of coffee, a big glass of OJ, and two hours of gossip makes everything seem more bearable.

#88 American Apparel

(idea submitted by Ilana D.)

One of the most recent brands that has attracted the attention of Jewish Young Adults across the globe is LA based retailer American Apparel.  The brand, a vertically integrated pseudo-retro 80’s clothing manufacturer founded in 1989 by Canadian Jew Dov Charney, quickly became a fashion fixture for JYAs, and has maintained avid support from across the board.

There are many reasons why JYAs have a special place in their hearts for American Apparel.  Indy-hipster JYAs are quick to note that the brand is responsible for a large bulk of their ironic-Jewish-themed T-shirts.  Murray Hill I-Banker fraternity-type JYAs love the sultry models in alluring poses.  Lefty Nalgene-loving JYAs support the progressive labor practices and the political leanings of the company.  Female JYAs find the company’s non-stereotypical style attractive.  And the rest are proud that such a mensch made it into the big time in the shmatte business.  Even Israeli JYAs are willing to shell out the extra cash just to buy American Apparel leggings from the store in central Tel Aviv.

Beyond all of these reasons, the company also makes quality clothing, and everyone can enjoy one of their fitted cotton t-shirts, even those that don’t tend toward the glam-rock scene.  In this vein, it is easy to see why American Apparel resonates with JYAs; every JYA can find something in the company that they like, even with all the controversy and pending lawsuits over sexual harassment.

She could be Jewish?